Not so serious Radio 4

A newsreader on Radio 4 got a very infectious fit of the giggles this morning.

At the bank

Note to self:

Familiarise oneself with the instructions in Dutch for getting through the doors of a bank with secure entry system. D'oh!

Photographic procrastination part 2

I got up early the other morning in an attempt to catch the snow before it melted. After falling on my arse twice and getting slightly lost, I returned home after a wet hour with the following pics of Gent:

This was a really hasty shot because I thought the van driver was going to drive through the snowman, but he didn't. I'm sure a British white van driver would've ploughed straight through. Belgians are nice!
Erm, that's a rather large stick.



I thought I'd look rather attractive in this beautiful lacey number and streaked hair-flair wig should Sarah and I ever tie the knot...

We went to the science museum and stumbled on an sex educational piece for young children and teenagers. It was very refreshing to see such a liberal approach to sex. I am so in a Dutch country lol!

'Girl and boy'

'Boy and boy' 'Girl and girl'

Week 3

I may have mentioned this before, so apologies. Since I've become a lesbot of leisure, I've had all the time to do what I want. The only major downside to this is that all of my playmates are fully fledged National Insurance contributing kind of people. And, more importantly, they're not here in Belgium!

So occasionally I've felt like Bea Smith in solitary confinement in Prisoner Cell Block H. But at least she got visits from Vinegar Tits and

old Lizzie during the day ;-) However, everything is starting to settle in now. After a very relaxing and social Easter weekend, I feel like I've been recharged. I think part of that was also down to the excessive consumption of chocolate, and I did manage to get out for a ride despite the weather.

We also went to view an apartment at the w/end which I just fell in love with. Unfortunately for me there was an 'optie' on it (pronounced 'opsie', go figure). Sarah decided to only point this out after I'd said optie to the estate agent about, oh, 10 times. Gotta love her ;-) The optie means that someone else has a hold on the apartment for a week. I tried the old Scottish charm which seems to have paid off - woohoo! Just found out yesterday that the apartment is mine!

It's got a beautiful terrace -essential for successful continental living. But I think that it was the homing pigeon sheds and allotment in a neighbours garden that really swung it for me.

Whilst we're on the subject of apartment hunting, the photos of the inside of apartments are a very important part of the marketing of a property. A seller should want to utilise each photo to provide maximum impact, to compel the buyer to imagine living there. Right??

Perhaps Belgians have different priorities from me because I've seen some of the most random collection of property pics. They've ranged from unfinished apartments with all of the kitchen units still in their boxes, construction sites, nice looking stairwells, water pipes for your washing machine, a garage door slightly open, a garage door fully open, and building sites. I've even seen the odd person in the background cooking or doing their ironing.

You know you're abroad when...

1. The locals have a disturbing penchant for fur coats.

2. There is a collection of strange cheese in your fridge.

3. The lesbots look different. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think that a lot of Dutch and German women have that kind of queer look about them anyways...must be the specs... ;-)

4. You're facial hair is socially acceptable.

5. You rehydrate with coffee instead of water.

6. You add 'eh/he' on to the end of every sentence.

7. You break out in a sweat about the supermarket not being open 24 hours or shops being closed on a Sunday.

8. You pig out on Speculoos until you get a sugar headache and feel sick.

9. You cant find poached eggs, anywhere! Who wants to peel a boiled egg???

10. You drink cola light instead of diet coke.

11. You write stupid lists and procrastinate more.

12. The changing room in the gym is full of unhidden, unabashed bodies.

13. You can't find an adapter for your expensive 2-prong electric toothbrush!

14. The guy in the supermarket asks if you have one cent, and you, smiling, hand over one euro instead.

15. Cyclists rule the road, pedestrian crossings and the pavement.

16. You see women standing in *ahem* shop windows modelling nothing but day-glow bikinis.

Friday faff

Sarah promised me that the climate was much more exotic in Belgium than in Scotland, my thoughts being, well, it's closer to the equator, so that must be true, eh?!

Well. Not once have I had to get out the factor 30! I'm gutted because my class has finished for the Easter break and I wanted to get out on my bike today. With the forecast of sleet, snow and strong winds I think the ride will have to wait :-( G-U-T-T-E-D! Cobbles and ice aren't a good mix for a cyclist, but fun to watch nonetheless.

So, my plans for today are:

1. Read yesterday's Guardian which I begrudgingly pay 3 euros for every other day. For whatever reason I can't find a shop (winkel is shop in Dutch and that just cracks me up) that sells today's Guardian. *hmph*

2. I'll try really hard not to get oil on Sarah's nice wooden floors.

3. Maybe I'll put a wash on...

4. Faff on the internet. It would appear that the computer is my new best friend, which I have issues with.

5. Maybe I'll swot -I did yesterday which is an achievement for a PP- and finish off my revision for this week. Ik heb, heb jij, hebt u...and the list goes on.

I've got a presentation that I need to do you see, well, everyone in the class has to do it. We need to put together a 5 minute number about a hobby, job, family etc, etc. Then the class will have questions for you afterwards. It's kind of like show and tell lol, I'm thinking this is not the time for powerpoint and laser pen. Perhaps family tartan, a couple of bottles of Irn Bru, shortbread biscuits and some haggis will do the trick. If only I'd packed my Jimmy hat!

Tour de lesbots

We set off on a wee adventure to the big smoke that is Brussels last night. I was meeting Sarah in a somewhat seedier than normal train station, so I forfeited my hairspray for a can of mase instead.

We saw a very impressive performance by Tegan and Sara at Le Botanique.

The fab hairdos and cheeky interaction with the crowd did it for me!

Photographic procrastination

Here are some pictures of Gent:

I really should be studying

As I type this, I'm listening to Tiffany "I think we're alone now" on the radio, followed by Wet Wet Wet "Angel eyes." It makes me giggle when I hear bands like Wet Wet Wet and the Proclaimers abroad. They're lucky if they're given any air-time at all back home. But, as a Lespat (expat lesbot), I have to admit that it's fun listening to them. Fond, *ahem* memories come flooding back of monstrous shoulder pads, excessive use of hairspray, side ponytails, and neon leggings. Ah, those were the days...

So, the lessons are going well. I've already been able to use some Dutch in a real, live situation! Well, I said 'spreekt u Engels?' That still counts in my books. The group dynamics are unfolding now that the general initial anxiety appears to be waning. Everyone realises that mistakes are inevitable. Today is our fourth class, already some people will have decided who they like and dislike, and others have begun to define their role within the group. We have one or two who could go against the grain of the group. This week should be entertaining...

Change the channel

In an attempt to improve my Dutch, I've decided to ditch BBC Radio 1 this week and to fully embrace Belgian radio instead.

Scanning through the channels, I've just heard the following groups - Chumba Wumba, Michael Jackson, Survivor, The Proclaimers, Meatloaf and of course the obligatory pop song.

Minus the former, I'm happy that I'm not in Kansas anymore. Where else can you listen unashamedly to such a dolly-mixture of tunes?

Repeat after me...

Some things haven't changed. I hit the snooze button at least 3 times this morning before I finally got up. I once thought that my problem of struggling to get up in the morning was down to the fact that I was using my radiating cell phone as my alarm, so, I bought this instead.


I can vouch that the flying alarm clock definitely wakens you. Once you've gotten over the shock of hearing the *sonic boom* type noise first thing in the morning, convinced yourself that you're just having palpitations and not a cardiac arrest, then, then, you can test how good your motor skills are at getting the spinning top back into the unit Krypton Factor style. Sound like fun? I think I should try a sun lamp, or the radio, or just some plain old jumping out of bed quickly, or...

After faffing around this morning, I headed out to my first Dutch class. Now, as a foreigner, I'm thinking I missed something today. Is March 13th 'leave your bike upside down in random places day?'

Only a few streets later, I stumbled on the floating van ;-)

Dutch class was fun and challenging already, and it's only my first lesson *meep*. There are about 16 non-Belgies in the class, which is more than I was expecting for this time of year. There's a really good mix of nationalities, and it would appear that I'm the only one from the land of skirted men and Irn Bru.

After taking the register, which, I think I've managed to register under someone else's name...we got stuck into pronunciation. Going round the class it was obvious which people weren't happy about being asked to speak out loud in another language. The first wee test that wee had was dictation. I didn't do too badly on the first round, and I missed out one answer on the second round. After finishing the dictation, each of us had to write an answer on the board. Just my luck then that my turn worked out to be the answer that I'd missed! Typical!

- I walked up to the whiteboard and wrote down attempt number 1 - Hoost.
- Teacher: "Nee. Ik zei *hoist*" (that's what I heard)
- I wrote attempt number 2 -Hoist.
- Teacher: "Nee. Ik zei *hoost*"
- I scrubbed out all previous attempts.
- Teacher: "Nee. Ik zei *houst*"
- I wrote houst.
- Jo: "Ok, help me out here " *blank expression on face*. I scrubbed out spaces for the vowels and leave H__ST on the board.
- Teacher: "Ok, boek. Ik zei *hoest*"
- Epiphany.

I couldn't stop laughing, no matter how many times the teacher repeated the word, I just couldn't get it.

No entry

I spotted this warning sticker on the plane to Austria:

Just in case you had any ideas of clambering in!

My last day of ignorant bliss.

I have a chocolate waffle in one hand, a large cawfee in the other, a large box of Errrol Grrrrey in the kitchen and Radio 1 on the tinternet. I'm and expat in Belgium - woohoo!

I've managed to unpack some of my stuff, but Sarah's spare room still looks like a bomb has gone off. I'm thinking that will be a work in progress...

One of the conditions of me moving over was that I wanted to take an intensive language course before I started my new job. So, from tomorrow onwards, I will have no excuses for not understanding the lingo. I'm just hoping that my old habits of leaving homework to the very last minute and Pro-Plus aided all-nighters wont come creeping back.

No more batting my eye lashes at Sarah and asking her to order things for me. No more laughing at some of Sarah's pronunciations in English, the shoe is on the other foot ;-), and I've been forewarned that Sarah is going to take full advantage of this role change!

Roight, I'm off out to get a continental pencil case, how exciting!

Destination Belgium

On Sunday morning, fresh without any signs of a hangover, Sarah and I began packing her car and clearing out the last remaining contents of my house. It took us approx an hour to get everything into the car and to get the bikes and the rack on. Everything was going smoothly until I ventured upstairs to double check a few things in my "important documents" folder.

Going through the files, it was gradually dawning on me that my passport wasn't in its place. Shit! I double checked again. Still, no passport. Bugger!

It had to be in the car some where?? Now, I'm a wee bit obsessive when it comes to strapping bikes on cars. Better to be safe than sorry eh. The rack was so heavy with the bikes on it, and it would take way too long to remove them again, so we had to pull things out through the front of the car. Joy.





It wasn't until half the contents of the car were on the pavement, along with the hair that I was pulling out, that I discovered my passport in between some books. Oops. Sarah has the patience of a saint!

After this, I have to say that my central nervous system was on red alert. I was convinced that I was going to be doomed to a journey of endless looking in the rear mirror to check that the bikes were ok. After eyeballing the bikes for the 356th time, and reassuring myself that the 80mph winds weren't due for another 8 hours, I managed to relax and enjoy the ride with my girrel.

We made it into Belgium in good time and with the bikes still attached! Here are some pics from York and the move:

The River Ouse.

Breakfast at Betty's. Regardless of the weather, there's always a queue outside.

Where do I start?

Getting on the Tunnel.

After about 4 attempts and missing the actual Belgium sign, this was the best I could do!

My welcome home courtesy of my girrel.

Koffiepauze

I've taken a quick break from my *cough* cleaning duties. My broadband will be disconnected over the weekend so I thought I'd get a quick blog in, just in case.

The prep is going really well today. I now have 1 room that is completely finished, got the pegs removed off my BMX, and I'm just about to pop out to get a copy of my medical records...a women's work is never done!

Sarah is driving over tonight. There's a "last night in York" planned for Saturday with all of my friends, and then we're both driving back on Sunday.

The question is - will all of my stuff fit in Sarah's car??? MEEP!!!

This is really sad, but I've just discovered this Flash product that's like a sponge that removes marks from your walls, it's amazing. Saved me having to get the paint out lol! I need a life.

How clean is your oven? How calloused are your hands?!

I had my last hair cut in York today. Decided to go for something a wee bit different in celebration of my new start. Not dramatically different, more of a wee revision let's say. Now, I don't look like the kind of girrel who'd appreciate a fluffy-hairdo. So why is it that ALL the stylists that I've ever had feel compelled to totally waste their time doing the whole flippy-floppy-fluffy-feathered-owl with 4 wings- type finish?! It always looks so ridiculous and not me. Some times I think they just do it for a laugh. I would too if I were them.

After haircut 100, I headed back to start with my chores, which was a complete struggle. I managed to pack up the kitchen. Well, when I say pack up, I mean that I took everything out of the cupboards and stuck them on the work top or in some bags on the floor. I seriously lost the will to live! I had to head downtown again to escape for a wee skive.

Tonight I've just been defrosting the freezer and cleaning the oven, oh the joys. Some friends rang me during the latter and asked what I was up to, to which I replied, "at this moment, I'm cleaning the oven." On all 3 instances this declaration of domesticity was met with a burst of laughter and the retorts - "Does the oven need cleaning??? You surely haven't used it that often???" To which I replied, "Well, it's quite impressive the damage you can do with an overcooked sweet potato!"

My thought for today - Brillo pads are totally under rated!

My arse...

...is wet! Hold on, let me explain ;-)

My sofa left the building today. So I'm having to make do with no major furniture left in the house. I've been sleeping on the floor for the past week, and surprisingly it actually hasn't been that bad. That is, until tonight!

I've had the carpets professionally cleaned, but they're still wet. As I type this, I'm slightly concerned that I may get an electrical shock from my laptop that's sitting on the floor, so I'll keep this short.

To protect myself from further wetness, I've decided to perch upon a waterproof jkt. I'm cursing myself for taking my favourite red leather chair home to Dad's this weekend. Ah well...

Just in case anyone's worried - the cleaning is going really well considering I'm great at procrastinating. Tomorrow is kitchen day and I have a date with "Mr Muscle."

I'm now eating chocolate, goodnight!

P.S. I think Sarah is running a wager on how many new stains I put in the carpet before Sunday, if anyone is looking to make a quick buck!

Monday swan song

Whilst wandering downtown for my morning fix, it suddenly dawned on me that today is my last Monday in York.

The last time I had to visit the dreadful Tesco for a "big shop."

The last time that I'd put my wheelie bin in the shed.

And, unfortunately, the last Monday that the old guy in the spinning class would flash his hairy nipple at me!